"This guy with no formal training in jazz has the audacity to call himself a jazz musician just because he knows all the diminished chords.  There are only 3!"

-The New York Times  

"Some people might call him a cantankerous curmudgeon, and those people would be right, but gosh dang it can Branbando crank out some absolutely gross drumbeats."

-Oprah Winfrey, TV personality

"As the heart of the bandos, post-teenage hearthrob Maxbando offers the audience a visual reprieve from the war crimes this band commits on stage with their utter disregard for musical form and dismissal of their fanbase's temporal lobes clawing desperately for a steady motif."

-Michaelbando, keyboardist of Husbandos

"Caseybando has developed and mastered a one-of-a-kind technique that intersperses sax lines with quick one syllable profanities, and he doesn't even have Tourette's.  I could never replicate this level of humor and genius in a million years." 

-Bill Burr, stand up comedian 

"Don't let her angelic looks and voice fool you.  The sheer unadulterated anger that emanates from Mariahbando's diaphragm will undoubtedly leave you wishing for the sweet, sweet release of death." 

-every single one of her exes